Those Advice shared by A Parent Which Rescued Us as a New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a broader inability to communicate between men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."